Bride's Side, Vol. 7: 'It’s all about being your collective selves'

Bridal blogger: Stephanie (of Stephanie and Brian) of Hoboken, NJ*
Connection to Maine: Bride's homestate
Wedding Date: May 10, 2008
Wedding Location: Ceremony at St. Bernard's Catholic Church in Rockland followed by ballroom reception at the Samoset Resort in Rockport, Mane
Guests invited: 256
Guests attended: 175 (68 from out of state)
*Click here (Part I) and here (Part II) of Stephanie and Brian's wedding on the old I Do Click Wedding Photography blog and/or here to see Stephanie and Brian's slideshow

I was that girl. The one that secretly purchased every issue of Martha Stewart Weddings from the time she turned 18 – just to be sure no creative detail slipped through the cracks. So when Brian proposed after five years of dating we hit the ground running. While this may sound like the introduction to an episode of Bridezilla, the months and days leading up to our wedding was a very special time that brought all of our families even closer together. Here are some of the things that helped us stay calm and focused on what truly mattered:

1. Find people that are passionate about what they do. When I took our mothers to visit what I thought was our dream venue, I was immediately turned off by their complacency. Yet after one conversation with Gerry Hill at the Samoset I learned this valuable lesson that - those that are passionate about what they do take pride in the finished product. We gladly applied this knowledge to hiring the right photographer. While we weren’t able to meet Sam in person until three days before our wedding, her blog (which I admittedly stalked) and portfolio clearly portrayed her love of photography and the connection she made with the couples she photographed.

2.Trust your vendors. See #1. We gave Alda Stitch some basic likes and dislikes before handing over the reins. I got my first glimpse of our bouquets, boutonnières and centerpieces on our wedding day and the results were stunning. Far superior to what we would have designed! Trusting your vendors means you can relax – leave the hard work to the experts.

3.Invest in an organizer. There are so many things to keep track of – from ideas to receipts – that it’s easy to get lost in the muddle. Coming from a self-professed clutter bug, organization is critical to an enjoyable wedding planning experience. My tool of choice? Martha Stewart’s Keepsake Wedding Planner of course!

4.Make it personal. Personal touches not only make a big impact, they can also help you stay within your budget. We enlisted the help of our moms to bake our favorite cookies that we shared with guests in the welcome gift bag. It was a great way to get the moms involved and showcase their fabulous treats and recipes, and our friends are still raving!

5.Lighten up. One of my favorite memories from our wedding ceremony is sitting in the church during the ceremony discussing Brian’s morning round of golf. Totally inappropriate but totally us. At the end of the day, it’s all about being your collective selves and celebrating the start of a new journey.

6.There is more than one “right” answer. You can’t hear this enough. With 1000s of options at your fingertips, you can drive yourself crazy trying to find the right gown, favor box, ribbon or bridal party gift. Pick what you love and don’t second guess your decision. More importantly, once you make a decision, stop looking!

7.Put your bridesmaids in charge of picking their dress. I placed far too much pressure on myself (not to mention countless hours) searching for a dress that would make my bridesmaids feel both pretty and comfortable. Since I really didn’t have a strong opinion on the final decision, I wish I had given them some basic guidelines and put them in charge of making their own group decision. I chose not to delegate many duties but this is one that I should have subcontracted.

8.Prepare for the rehearsal dinner well in advance. Giving yourself plenty of time to plan your ceremony and reception is obvious - giving yourself plenty of time to select the right gifts, wrap them and write heartfelt cards for your closest friends and family is much easier to overlook. I was 30 minutes late for our rehearsal dinner because time ran out and ended up writing all the thank you notes when we returned from the rehearsal. I would not recommend this strategy.

9.Dance! As the guests of honor you set the tone - everyone will only have as much fun as you do. We started to make the formal rounds to thank each table but the minute “Build Me up Buttercup” came on, we hit the dance floor with our friends and family in hot pursuit.

10.If you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. Though I’ve never been very good at arts and crafts, I thoroughly enjoyed all of the do-it-yourself projects I tackled and wouldn’t have changed a thing. Did anybody notice the card box crafted out of a nested set of hat boxes that I labored over for an entire day? Probably not. But it was completely worthwhile because I could look around the room on our wedding day and feel proud of the work I’d done. Whatever details you undertake, do it for yourself or skip it.


Biggest planning surprise: How much more people charge when you mention the word wedding. I tricked a makeup artist into giving me a quote for doing my makeup for a special event. When I casually mentioned that the special day was my wedding day the price nearly doubled. I chose another makeup artist.

Favorite wedding planning resource: Our on-site venue coordinator provided great insight and recommendations based on his personal experience. While it may be your first and only wedding, they’ve done it many times before.



I wish I'd spent more time: Preparing for the rehearsal dinner. I envisioned this as a time to let our family know how much we appreciated their support but the day of the rehearsal was rushed and we missed our opportunity to purchase a special token of appreciation for our parents.

I wish I'd spent less time: Second-guessing my decisions. We had the full support of family and friends and the best team of vendors we could ever have assembled – the only pressure I ever felt was completely self-induced.


I wish I had: Considered the church when I purchased my veil! They often say the veil makes the dress and I completely agree. It was stunning – I cried the moment they placed the veil on my head and I purchased it before the length of the veil really registered. The church aisle was relatively short and as low maintenance as I think I am, I bought the most high-maintenance veil ever designed.

I wish I hadn't: gone to a seamstress without receiving a personal recommendation. I ended up spending almost twice as much on alterations as I did on my dress because of a very bad experience. Thankfully, a friend came to the rescue and recommended a seamstress to correct the mistakes and even make a few enhancements to customize the dress for my shape.


I am glad I/we did: take the pre-marriage courses you are required to take to marry in a Catholic church. Midway into the wedding planning frenzy, it was a great opportunity to stop and refocus on the significance of the ceremony and how excited we were to begin our lives us husband and wife. Regardless of religion, I believe strongly that every couple should devote some time to discussing their relationship, communication styles and the journey that lies ahead.

I am glad we didn't: count out the Samoset based solely on the package prices. On a whirlwind trip to Midcoast Maine, we made appointments to visit a few of our favorite venues. Several failed negotiation attempts later, I called the Samoset as a last resort to fulfilling a childhood dream of marrying near the ocean. Taking the size of our wedding into consideration and recognizing the amount of business we would generate, they happily agreed to work with our budget without sacrificing any of the extra details.


Favorite wedding moment: Walking into the church. There are no words to decide how excited I was to see Brian.

Detail that was worth it: The scrapbook guest book. One of the wedding details on my “wish list” was a photo booth. Since it was completely out of our budget, we decided to create a scrapbook guest book. We collected photos, old and new, of nearly every guest. Throughout the night, guests stopped by to sign and enjoyed flipping through the pages searching for their photo. This also allowed us to incorporate photos of Brian’s father who passed away unexpectedly five weeks before the wedding. Complete with all the scrapbook embellishments and congratulatory wishes from our loved ones, this was instantly a treasured keepsake.


Detail that was a waste: I am too biased to think of any!

Best wedding splurge: Holding our reception at the Samoset. Gerry and his team took all of the stress out of the planning process.

Best wedding steal: My wedding dress. I stumbled across a sample sale two blocks from my office in NYC. The event was by appointment only and the designer actually helped me try on the dresses. I walked away with a $2,500 dress for $300!

My best advice is: Only work with people that are passionate about what they do.
And, for a bit of shameless self-promotion, what was your favorite part about working with Samantha Warren Weddings: I fell in love with Sam’s work the moment I watched my first slideshow. We chose her because of her ability to capture the unique emotion of each wedding. On our wedding day, Sam worked tirelessly to capture every shot, even the intimate moments where you didn’t realize she was there. At the same time, she was a constant source of comfort, helping to make sure we were in the right place at the right time from morning to night. One look at one of Sam’s custom albums and you’ll know why all her brides and grooms can’t stop raving and stay connected long after their wedding celebration has come and gone.

Read Past Bride's Side Posts:
-Vol.1: 10 tips for making the "Best Day of Your Life" just that
-Vol. 2: 'Remember you are starting a life together'
-Vol. 3: Go green, but stay real
Vol.4: If I knew then, what I know now
-Vol.5: 'Try not to over think things- hard as it may be'
-Vol. 6: What to expect when you are unexpecting