Bride's side, Vol. 6: What to expect when you are unexpecting

Bridal blogger: Lani (of Lani & Steve) of Andover, MA*
Connection to Maine: Bride's homestate
Wedding Date: August 8, 2008 (08.08.08)
Wedding Location: Outdoor ceremony at the Hartley-Mason Reserve followed by inside reception at the York Harbor Inn in York Maine
Guests invited: 140
Guests attending: 101 (40 from out of state including 10 from Canada)
*Click here for coverage of Lani and Steve's wedding on the blog or here for their slideshow

The unexpected..

When we got engaged on Groundhog Day of 2008, one of the first things we decided was to get married in the summer of 2009. We thought we wanted the year + engagement to take our time and enjoy planning the wedding and not feel rushed. In mid-March, our plans changed overnight. We got a phone call that no one ever wants or deserves to get. They found cancer in Steve's dad's lungs. A few more days revealed he had kidney cancer that had already metastasized to his lungs...it was March and he was diagnosed after his first symptoms with stage 4 cancer. We didn't sleep for a couple of nights. One thing that I remember staying awake for hours thinking about was moving our wedding to summer 2008. Our date was already set at August 7, 2009 (Steve was excited because in Canada that is 07-08-09 - an easy date to remember!). We had already put a deposit on our location (York Harbor Inn), the ceremony site (Hartley Mason Park), the DJ (Clark Sillery), and of course...our photographer (Sam!). Getting those "big things' over with was a huge relief and recommended no matter how soon or far away your wedding date is. However, now that we had deposits on everything, I wondered how we could pull it off. We decided we would just talk to all of our vendors and see what they had available for August of 2008 instead.

Amazingly, all of our vendors had a particular date that was open (and our DJ and Sam had previously had clients in this spot but they had changed). That date... 08-08-08. It was meant to be! That day we called/emailed everyone and changed the date to August 8th, just four and a half months away! Our thought was that moving the date up would give Steve's dad the best possible chance of being at our special day. Very quickly, we learned how unimportant a "long engagement" is and how it is possible to have that perfect day without a year of planning.

I actually realize now...why would we want to have a long engagement? Marriage is SO much better! That is one thing I'd like to pass along to those engaged...engagement is exciting and all, but just wait - it gets even better! The other thing we learned is how quickly things can add up...All of those details and extras that the magazines and internet and wedding shows try to sell you on. We had to prioritize what was most important to us. I believe now the longer you are engaged, the more money you'll end up spending. We didn't have the time to come up with all of these extra things that only we would notice. We handmade as much as we could...the invitations, the veil, the favor boxes, the table names, the name cards (on sand dollars), the program fans, etc. We saved lots of money, had fun doing it, and it truly had our personal touch. (Click here to read how Lani and Steve choose to help Steve's dad and the hospital he was being cared for at through their choice of wedding favors.)

By the time August 8th came, Steve's dad's condition still prevented him from coming. He was getting treatment in Toronto and couldn't leave. We did as much as we could to make him involved and feel as though he were there. He had (in April) a friend videotape him giving a toast that we played at the reception along with the other toasts (a great way to get someone involved that perhaps can't be at your wedding). We hired a videographer so we could bring the video to him as soon as we could travel up to Toronto after the wedding (so worth it). We called him as soon as the ceremony and pictures were over so he could hear our voices full of happiness and joy.

In the end, we realized our wedding was about a lot more than the color and font on our invitations. We decided that on our big day we were just going to have fun and be happy for everything we had. We weren't worried about anything on our wedding day except being with each other and soaking up the fun. We both actually took Advil (a good thing to bring!) before dinner started because my cheeks and jaw hurt SO bad from all of the smiling. Though a big part of Steve was missing that day, his dad was still with us and we knew his happiness for us was all we needed. His dad passed away about a month later and I am so thankful for the video we have and the toast of his dad. My grandfather also passed away this fall and he was able to be at the ceremony on August 8th. I am so thankful that we got married earlier. Never knowing what can happen, the earlier we got married the better a chance we gave to those we loved to be there. I can't even imagine still being engaged right now, and having missed the chance for my grandfather and father-in-law to be around for the big day. I know that it was comforting to Steve's dad that his son was going to be taken care of and was starting his own family for the rest of his life. I am sure it was more important that we even know that we had gotten married even though he was not physically there, he knew it.


From Steve, the groom:
Biggest planning surprise: Not knowing my sister was pregnant -and wondering why she had a size 18 dress.

I wish I'd spent more time: practicing my dancing.

I wish I'd spent less time: worrying about the weather.


I wish I had: the good fortune to have my father there.

I wish I hadn't: stayed up until 3:00AM catching up with friends the night before our wedding.

I am glad I/we did: That we did it "our way". We incorporated our personalities into all aspects of the day.


I am glad we didn't: Have a formal ceremony. We enjoyed the flexibility and the personal touch of having a friend ordained to perform the ceremony.

Favorite wedding moment: Seeing the smile on the face of my bride to be for the first time. Also, knowing I had concluded my vows and didn't screw it up.

Detail that was worth it: bagpiper - the time put into individually creating all of our favor boxes -and cutting out hundreds of pieces of cardstock to make our fan programs.

Detail that was a waste: scrambling to get umbrellas for the ceremony (since it stopped raining for us).


Best wedding splurge: The surprise custom groomscake designed by my wife.

Best wedding steal: Photographer Samantha Warren

My best advice is: to let it be your day

And, for a bit of shameless self-promotion, what was your favorite part about working with Samantha Warren Weddings: I felt a connection with her so that it wouldn't have been weird seeing her at the wedding as a guest and without a camera. She felt like a close personal friend.


From Lani, the bride:
Biggest planning surprise: Outfitting the guys was more difficult than I thought (choosing colors, etc.) - also, that we were able to change our wedding a year ahead to August 8 (08-08-08). Not sure how it was still available with ALL of our vendors!!

Favorite wedding planning resource: Magazines - just for flipping through for inspiration

I wish I'd spent less time: Looking for bridesmaid dresses and wedding dresses online. I found it near impossible finding something online and the style/color I thought I liked from pictures online was completely off. Find a few hours and GO to the store to try on gowns - and bring a bridesmaid to try on her dresses too!!!


I am glad I/we did: An outside ceremony with an indoor reception (which served as a backup in case of rain) - it put my mind at ease as it was pouring all morning that it would be okay since we had the inside possibility. Also glad we did a sweetheart table - time for just the two of us!

I am glad we didn't: Have a big wedding. We went with our gut and invited our closest friends and family and it was perfect.



Favorite wedding moment: Hearing the bagpiper start - it was the sign that we were actually starting our wedding and it was outside in the sun (despite the rainy morning). Just perfect!

Detail that was worth it: Making the invitations...tying the favor boxes...cutting out all the fan pieces of the programs...all the sweat and hands on work saved money, made it personal, and was soooo worth it.

Best wedding splurge: Hiring a videographer. it was a last minute decision that proved to be one of the best. SO worth it.


Best wedding steal: Making my veil for $5 total from fabric and a comb at JoAnn's Fabric (we made it the day before)...and our photographer...total steal!!

My best advice is: Keep things simple - when you are worried about little details - remember that most people coming to the wedding will not remember any of it- they will just remember seeing you and your husband/wife happy. We also made sure to say hi to everyone quickly before dinner started - so that way - we got to enjoy our meal together and then we just danced all night long having fun with each other! Other advice - don't separate to say hellos to people or time will pass at your own wedding and you won't see each other!

Ways to make it cost-efficient: Make your own invitations! I was so happy we did this. I bought all the paper from Paper and More - they pre-cut it and everything - it was so easy and like $50! Also, we did a BBQ for our rehearsal dinner - so worth it - casual, fun, and relaxing! Also, buy all your own vases...every week print of a 50% off coupon from Michaels or the newspaper and you can buy one/two at time at 1/2 off!


And, for a bit of shameless self-promotion, what was your favorite part about working with Samantha Warren Weddings: I felt like Sam was a friend through the whole thing -it was as if she was IN our wedding, not working it even though we had only met in person once before. It was meant to be! It was so easy for everyone to be natural around her -she went unnoticed through much of the ceremony and reception but still had caught all the moments. Oh, and another favorite part -- the pictures were GORGEOUS!!!

And, congratulations from Kyle and me to Lani and Steve on their latest unexpected (at least to us) blessing. We are SO happy for you and all that you've accomplished together on your wedding day and ever since!

Read Past Bride's Side Posts:
-Vol.1: 10 tips for making the "Best Day of Your Life" just that
-Vol. 2: 'Remember you are starting a life together'
-Vol. 3: Go green, but stay real
Vol.4: If I knew then, what I know now
-Vol.5: 'Try not to over think things- hard as it may be'