Bride's side, Vol. 3: Go green, but stay real

Bridal blogger: Sara (of Sara and Dean) of New Haven, CT.*
Connection to Maine: Bride's homestate
Wedding Date: October 11, 2008
Wedding Location: Outdoor ceremony followed by inside reception (with dancing on the deck!) at the Asticou Inn in Northeast Harbor
Guests invited: 170
Guests attending: 155 (90 or so of them from out-of-state and 124 total for the rehearsal dinner lobster bake)
*Click here for coverage of Sara and Dean's wedding on the blog or here for their slideshow

While Dean was pulling my mother’s engagement ring out of his backpack, preparing to propose to me on a hillside off the Sky Road in Clifden, Ireland, I was kneeling on a rock playing with a slug I’d just found. This is the kind of pre-text you need to understand the wild, crazy and often unanticipated experiences we shared while planning our great green Maine wedding.

There are a number of things that brought us together as a couple, but one of the most important I think is our shared ability to be inspired and energized by the things the other is passionate about. Although, as with our proposal, it often means we are thinking on different wavelengths (slug ≠ engagement ring), somehow the energy we get from each other makes the work we do and the things we strive for all the more vivid, and in the end, attainable. So, when we decided to channel all of this enthusiasm into planning a wedding based on our shared (if differently focused) environmental goals, it came as no surprise to either of us that it became an impassioned quest!

Sam has blogged in an earlier entry about some of our reflections on the process leading up to the wedding, but here I’d like to share a few reflections from the rear view mirror in hopes that this will help those of you who are just starting out on a green wedding quest of your own!

Just Ask...and have a plan... Throughout our planning process, we found that just about every vendor we spoke with, whether they were photographers or bakers, was willing to think about the environmental impact of their role in our wedding. I think one advantage we have is that we both live and breathe environmental work, so we had ready explanations of WHY we were concerned about the availability of local flowers in October, and WHY we were interested in the origin of the sugar used by the baker, and WHY we didn’t need three or four layers of table linens which would just need to be washed later on (more on this below). That said, there are two things I think are important to bring up here:



-1. It doesn’t have to be hard, and you don’t have to live and breathe environment to have an eco friendly wedding. Before you go to a meeting with a potential vendor, figure out what the things are that you care about – local origin? Carbon footprint? Organic? Make a short list of the things you want to ask your vendor about, and couple each item on your list with a one sentence explanation of why it is important to you as well as a definition of what the heck it means! For example, say you are concerned about food waste with your caterer. You may say, “I am interested in learning what happens to food that is prepared for our event and is not used. Do you have any way to reduce food waste or donate unused foods? We are trying to make our event as sustainable as possible, and finding ways to keep our food scraps out of the waste stream is something that is important to us.”

Also, be realistic about the answers your vendors will be able to provide, especially at first exposure to these types of questions. For example, our conversation with our awesome baker led her to brainstorm out loud with us about the different local suppliers she knew of, and what she knew had to be shipped into the state during October. We didn’t expect her to be able to offer up a sheet calculating the percentage of organic ingredients in our cake or the carbon footprint of shipping raspberries across the continent. Not that it will be far from your minds while you are trying to make the most of your wedding budget, but remember that these guys are operating businesses too. If there is something that you would like a vendor to do, but that is going to cost the vendor a bundle or take too much of their time for them to oblige, try to meet them half way. Going back to the food example, if they can’t offer to deliver compostable material to a farm, ask them to simply bag up the food waste, and do the legwork yourself finding a local farmer who will accept it. Then, the day after the wedding, get one of the slightly wobbly groomsmen to cart the materials there.

-2. Don’t be a smarty pants – these people are professionals! This is a lesson I had to keep repeating to myself, as someone who thinks about this stuff all day just about every day, it is easy for me to lapse into my academic tongue and not remember to respect that these people have been working to provide the highest quality products as efficiently (usually driven by economics) as possible for a long time! Approach this type of conversation with your vendors as an exploration of the limits and flexibilities they have. Be understanding of the demands on their time and their budget, but also look for vendors who are willing to consider learning with you!



Consider the VERY simple... When the big weekend came, we were exhausted from all of our feverish planning activity. We had compulsively organized and packed everything, labeled it and delivered it to the Inn for them to implement. We had checked and double checked all of our lists, had paid most of the vendors, and had coordinated transit for a gaggle of relatives. We had selected local flowers, bought our carbon offsets, ordered our reusable favors...man...we had done it all! Or so we thought. In all of our best laid plans, there were a few SIMPLE details that we neglected to think about.

One of these was how we would divide waste at our rehearsal dinner. We had one trash can set out with a hole cut in the lid for bottles, but as time wore on, and the bag got replaced, the lid ended up on the ground and no clear home for recyclables existed any longer! In the grand scheme of things, this is not a tragedy, but for those just starting to plan perhaps this can be a useful tidbit of information. If you are hosting your own rehearsal dinner, ask a groomsman to be in charge of handling the volume of cans and bottles and set a designated area for those things to be placed until they can be taken to the recycling center. Also think about having simple signs on your waste bins to make things that much easier for your guests. Better yet, avoid cans and bottles entirely by using large volume containers (i.e. kegs)!

Another recycling related issue came up at the ceremony – we didn’t have any containers set up to recycle wedding programs. I can see two ways to attack this. Appoint a recycling czar (probably the same person who is dealing with bottles at the rehearsal, and who you asked to lug the compost around) who will put a nice looking bin out with a label indicating paper recycling at the end of your aisle in a visible but inconspicuous location. Alternatively, just don’t have programs! I know we did it because we felt it was a nice way to formally acknowledge and thank all the family members who were participating, but I also think they are going to appreciate the thank you gifts I’m (still) dreaming up for them.



Woohoo, the Unexpected!!... In the end, we were amazed at how well all of our planning worked out. We certainly lucked out in a number of ways, but things went smoothly and we had an absolute blast ourselves. One of the nice perks that I wanted to bring up however, was some of the unexpected and unplanned things about our wedding that also benefited the environment. First, we had a lot of spontaneous carpooling. Now, who knows if this had anything to do with our expressed “wedding mission” or not, but it was great to see. I like to take a Field of Dreams approach to thinking about these things, meaning that since we made our vision so visible to our guests, that somehow it inspired them to help us along…sadly though, no sustainable ball field has been built…YET! Second, by developing centerpieces that didn’t need water and that were local and thus used to the air/climate during October – they were reused by the Inn for days after our event! They brightened the tables at many a lobster bake in the waning days of October which was a surprise additional benefit.

Biggest planning surprise: Our planner told us that we didn't need her. I knew we were good at excel spreadsheets, but come on!?! When we hired her, we didn’t anticipate the fabulous Asticou wedding coordinator who really acted as fantastic executer of our vision. Working with him, we were really confident that things would go smoothly.

Favorite wedding planning resource: Google images was actually a lot of help. Often our thought processes went like this: "hmmm, wouldn't it be fun to have some sort of eco themed center pieces? We are going with orange accents, wonder what’s out there for ideas??" We'd then just enter Google image keywords like eco-centerpiece, wedding, orange etc. and would get visuals to help grow our creativity around the issue.


I wish I'd spent more time: Hanging out with my bridesmaids. They traveled so far to be there, but because the weekend was so jam-packed, we didn’t get much time to catch up and are now planning a re-do for Myrtle Beach this spring!

I wish I'd spent less time: Cutting pies at the rehearsal. My family tried to shoo me away, but I’m too hard headed to take the hint. Remember to treasure the people who have traveled to celebrate with you – they are the very most important!

I wish I had: Made time to go for a run the morning of the wedding. Two bridesmaids did and they saw Martha Stewart in her black escalade! I did enjoy some nice quiet time to myself, but getting some of my nervous energy out would have been a good idea.



I wish I hadn't: Been so easy going with my dress alterations – because I didn’t want to be a big pain of a bride, I didn’t insist that they take the dress up another 1/2 inch to get the beads off the ground. Luckily, my bridesmaid Kat lent me her kitten heels for our first dance so that I didn’t cause a scene tripping over my dress!

I am glad I/we did: Take the time to write our vows together on a bench off a beautiful trail overlooking Northeast Harbor. We had been procrastinating on this for weeks and we decided not to go out to lunch one day with family to do this together – a great memory and wonderful results!

I am glad we didn't: Add more people – they would have had to sit in an overflow dining room and it just would have been such an awkward set up – respect the limits of your venue!


Favorite wedding moment: Laughing and crying at the memories expressed through photographs at our rehearsal dinner. The emotion in the room was so strong and simply having so many people that are precious to you in one room is so powerful.

Detail that was worth it: Buying our carbon offsets, it was easy to do and important to us!

Detail that was a waste: Bought way too many candles…still trying to find loving homes for them!

Best wedding splurge: Renting a U-haul to bring the bed that my Dad built for us home after the wedding – it was great to say adios to our old hand-me-down bed and upgrade big time as soon as we got home!!

Best wedding steal: Purchasing our lobster from a local lobsterman was a great, local economy-supporting way to reduce costs. Also by signing up for a Macy’s card, and shopping on Labor Day, we got awesome prices on most of the things we needed for the groomsmen!



My best advice is: Figure out what is most important to you. Find useful ways to include those who love you and want to be involved in planning. Two days before the event – let it go!! As long as the people are there, you say I do, some food is served, and everyone gets home safe – you’ve had an incredible and memorable event!

And, for a bit of shameless self-promotion, what was your favorite part about working with Samantha Warren Weddings: Sam is so much more than a photographer. When you hire her, you are getting her years of experience and her huge heart, neither of which should be underestimated. She will help you to navigate trouble before you’ve even spotted it, and she does it all with grace and a smile!

Read Past Bride's Side Posts:
-Vol.1: 10 tips for making the "Best Day of Your Life" just that
-Vol. 2: 'Remember you are starting a life together'